


Reflections

by TanyaReed



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Challenge Response, Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TanyaReed/pseuds/TanyaReed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Henry leaves with James/David, Regina thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written in response to a challenge to write a song fic for onceuponaland on livejournal. This is my very first songfic, and it was harder than I expected. I wrote it after "The Crocodile", so any inconsistencies with episodes after that is because of that. 
> 
> Song used was "Somebody (trying to tell you something)", sung by Tanya Tucker and written by Steve Haldin. All rights to the lyrics belong to them.

_You were moving too fast to ever grow old_  
Must have took a wrong turn back down the road  
Searching for truth when there just wasn't any  
And the wine's not so sweet when you've had one too many 

Regina Mills watched Henry leave with James, and a painful pressure settled on her chest. The weight was so heavy that it was hard to breathe, and she had to force air in and out of her lungs.

Pain like this wasn't a stranger. It came and went, sometimes as an overwhelming wave and sometimes as an old friend. She knew it well, and she knew it was the barrier to her happiness. Her whole life, Regina had been trying to rip through it, but everything she did just seemed to pull it closer. 

Once, she had thought power was the answer. Her mother had taught her that power was the only thing that could get you what you wanted, and so Regina had blindly sacrificed everything for it. She gladly lived with the pain so that she could somehow find the peace she craved.

But she would not sacrifice Henry.

It was sad to see how relieved and happy her son had been to go with James. Henry hadn't even looked back or said good-bye. There were no hugs or smiles or even “thank yous” for the woman who had raised him, the woman who loved him enough to give up everything she had worked for for so many years because of that love.

With the sadness in her heart, Regina locked away the book that had taught her how to fight and win. It was the book that allowed her to break free of Cora's control...but it was also the book that allowed her to become a copy of her mother.

Almost a copy, she told herself firmly. Regina had turned to the side of evil, and she had done hurtful, terrible things. She had killed, and she had ripped happy endings apart, but she had never abused her son. She might not understand how to love him the way he needed, but she had never purposefully hurt either his mind or his body...until tonight.

Nausea rolled in Regina's belly as she finally faced what she had become. With shaking hands, she went to her liquor cabinet and got out a bottle. After a second's hesitation, she also got a glass.

She was still shaking as she settled into the soft cushions on her couch, but she managed to pour a glass full without spilling it. Taking a sip, she wondered how her path had taken her from a young, hopeful, and sweet girl to this.

_Looking out the window at the fading light_  
If you could do it all over, where would you be tonight  
Shadows on the wall like her long, dark hair  
And you know you know better when you say you don't care 

The whiskey went down easier after the first one, and the more she drank the more obvious it became that somewhere she had taken the wrong road. Love had turned to bitterness and anger, and she had held on to those feelings because anything was better than remembering. The more things she did, the more lives she ruined, the more there was to forget.

Sometimes, she had taken joy in it. It was a false kind of happiness. Regina had become drunk on power and there were times when she loved it.

But there were times she hated it too.

Regina swirled the drink around in her glass before setting it on the coffee table and getting to her feet. She walked over to the window and stared out into the darkness. Henry was out there somewhere, and he hated her. He blamed her for Emma and Snow White's disappearance. He blamed her for everything.

His hatred burned. It made Regina see what she had become. She didn't like it. She wanted to be a mother Henry could love, one he could be proud of. For him, she would try to break the bonds of madness, need, and fear to become a person who walked towards the light.

Because of him, she wished she had done things differently, but she didn't known exactly how she could have. Her mother had forced her into a loveless marriage, and Regina had felt so trapped. Her life was held in a vice, and she had been so unhappy. Still, there must have been something, some way, she could have escaped without turning to Rumplestiltskin and to murder.

After the first, it had been so easy, and now she had so much blood on her hands they might never come clean. Still, she would try. For Henry. For him, she would even try to forgive Snow White, the woman whose happiness haunted Regina. Maybe she would be able to learn to accept the past and to be grateful to Snow for giving her the one thing that might actually lead to happiness. Henry.

_You tore it all apart, now put it back together_  
It'd be easier if you could just live forever  
You feel something coming that you don't understand  
And you pray to the Lord it ain't out of your hand 

Alcohol had lost its interest, so Regina left the glass on the coffee table and flicked off the light. Her thoughts wouldn't turn off quite so easily.

As she walked up the stairs, the house around her seemed so hollow and empty. She remembered it being full of Henry—running, laughing, playing. Memories surrounded her, and she had to stop and steady herself on the railing.

Somehow, she had to make things up to him. Somehow, she had to make things right. If that meant finding Snow White and Emma and bringing them home, then she would. If it meant returning the hearts she still held captive, she would do that too. Whatever it took to prove to Henry that she loved him more than power, she would do. She would not be her mother.

Determined, Regina straightened her spine and continued on, just a little unsteadily. As she reached the top of the stairs, she felt something behind her. Puzzled, she turned and saw nothing there, but she still felt it. It was dark, like a shadow, and it stalked her. Worse, it stalked her son.

Regina admitted to herself that the feeling could have been brought on by the darkness or by the alcohol that she had consumed, but she was a creature of darkness and, though her magic was erratic here without direct help from the book or a catalyst like Emma, she was sensitive to the shift of fates.

Something was coming. Something more evil than she had ever been. For the first time in decades, Regina knew fear, not for herself—her life had meant nothing to her since Daniel's death—but for Henry. Somehow, she had to keep him safe.

_Somebody knocking on you door_  
Is your day finally coming  
Is it the hand of fate  
Or maybe somebody's trying to tell you something 

_Several days later_

“What the hell?” Emma said, her arms crushing Henry to her chest.

She was still slightly stunned from coming through the doorway they had found. It had been a disorienting trip made worse by the fact that she, Snow White, Mulan, and Aurora had stepped out into a battle ground on the streets of Storybrooke. 

It was all over now. The woman that Snow White had once said was worse than Regina could ever hope to be was nothing more than a smear on the pavement, and the Evil Queen herself was lying motionless just a few feet away.

“Mom!” Henry cried, and Emma released him. 

He ran to Regina's crumpled form, and Emma followed slowly behind. Dr. Whale was kneeling beside Regina, checking for life signs. Several people were watching him, their expressions stunned.

“I can't believe she saved us,” Red mumbled.

Emma couldn't really believe it either. One minute, her disoriented brain was trying to comprehend that she was going to die. The next, Regina was throwing herself in front of her mother, somehow reflecting the sorceress's black magic back at her.

“Is she going to be okay?” Emma asked as Dr. Whale got to his feet. 

“I don't know. We'll have to get her to the hospital. She's alive, but her life signs are weak.”

“Please don't let her die,” Henry said softly.

“I'll do my best. We need an ambulance.”

“Charming went to get one.” Snow White's expression was unreadable as she joined them.

“I don't understand.” Emma shook her head. “What happened?”

“She was trying,” Henry told her. “She said she wanted to make it better...for me.”


End file.
